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5 Talking Mistakes Most Couples Make |
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Love & Marriage -
Marriage
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Page 1 of 3 5 Talking Mistakes Most Couples MakeYou and your man may think you know each other inside and out. But even the most in-tune twosomes can slip up. "Many couples unknowingly have bad communication habits," says psychologist Steve Stephens, PhD, author of Lost in Translation. "They're so subtle that often they don't create conflict in the moment, but when they happen consistently, they can make partners feel less connected."
To avoid these pitfalls, you first have to recognize them. So we outlined five that are extremely common, even among the closest couples. Use our experts' advice to prevent future conversational breakdowns... and reach a new level of bonding.
Communication In Marriage, Mistake 1: Info Gets Left OutHere's a prime example of a couple conversation lapse: You mention to your guy that you'd like to plan dinner with friends next Thursday. You don't, however, fill him in on where, what time, and exactly who's coming. Not intentionally - just because when you're part of a twosome, you tend to talk in a sort of shorthand. Essentially, you paint the broad strokes, subconsciously expecting your partner to be able to fill in the details. Of course, later, when he's like "Huh, dinner?" you wind up getting pissed.
"The way couples speak to each other is very different from how they speak to friends," points out Stephens. "They leave out key information simply because they're so used to being together that they think of themselves as one entity or they figure that their boyfriend or girlfriend will understand them enough to get what's unspoken. Then, when that doesn't happen, feelings are bruised, people feel ignored… all sorts of problems arise."
A relationship setback for sure, but once you're aware of it, it's easily fixed. First, be deliberate when you're relaying important information to your guy - the way you would be if you were talking to anyone else. And when he tells you something, ask for the nitty-gritty instead of accepting the gloss-over. "With key stuff, have a conversation about it," says psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of Emotional Fitness for Couples. "Or even type it out in an e-mail so you know for sure you get all the details down."
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